<3
I hugged my boyfriend warmly for the first time in a long while. My head rested lightly in the nook of his arms, as I took his familiar scent and smiled at the pleasant memories. When we finally pulled away from each other, I looked romantically into his face, only to hear him say: “My feet hurt.”
To tell you the truth, I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen him completely happy when he’s with me. That spark, that excitement in his face, is now a perfunctory reflex to our interactions. The romanticism is dead. And it’s sad that I know him so well that I can tell he’s not truly happy with me.
For the first time in our relationship, I feel that I honestly can never be good enough for him, which makes me feel horrible. What’s sadder still is that I still love him so much, despite the flaws in our relationship. It completely breaks my heart that I think I can’t make him happy anymore. He used to look at my face when we talked. Now, he looks past my face at what’s going on around us. He used to always want to kiss me. Now, our intimacy are dictated by physical instincts. He used to do anything to be able to be close to me. Now, he’s so quick to cancel our dates if something goes slightly wrong. He never used to talk about other girls. Now he’s always looking at them, even jokingly talking about them. He used to do anything to make me happy, now he thinks I’m annoying for wanting to do some things even though I bend over backwards sometimes for him. I love him so much… I always want to be close to him, and I always want to make him happy. We’ve been together for 4 years. Is this just how long term relationships turn out? Is this just a bump in the road? Or are we just growing apart? I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I already have… My dear, my dear dear dear…. I feel like it’s my fault completely that I’m starting to lose you.. No amount of makeup can force you to find me prettier. No amount of dieting or working out can force you to find me more attractive. And no matter how tightly I hug you, you would sooner feel your own aching feet than my heart. What do I do now?
